Being Someone’s Only Person

Loneliness and the weight of being someone’s only true key into the rest of the world.

Photo by Bruno Martins on Unsplash

We live in a loneliness epidemic. Social seclusion is said to be as bad for the health as puffing 15 ciggies a day. In older adults, we have learnt that isolation increases the risk of dementia by 50% and coronary artery disease or stroke by 30%. Loneliness is associated with elevated blood pressure and acute stress responses as well as poorer quality sleep, lower self-esteem and increased mental distress. Approximately 7.1% of people in Great Britain (3.83 million) experience chronic loneliness, meaning they feel lonely ‘often or always.’ While involuntary solitude knows no age nor demographic boundary, loneliness is marked amongst the elderly, especially amongst men over 70.

Studies show that older men who live alone often experience less frequent contact with family and friends compared to women in similar situations. Factors like the dominant presence of women in older people's activities, a lack of activities that appeal to men, and fewer male staff running services can also hinder social engagement. Society's expectations of men to be strong and independent may make it difficult for them to express vulnerability or seek help when feeling lonely. And we’re also in a boom of older men living alone—by 2030 numbers are projected to be 1.5m, a huge increase of 65% since 2018. Older men have traditionally been more dependent on their partners (patriarchy in action there) and when they are widowed or begin to live alone because of a partner’s need for care outside the home, they can find themselves permanently on the margins.