I Have Never Been Single
Confessions of a Relationship Hopper
In the UK, the median length of a marriage that ends in divorce is around 12.2 years. While I haven’t yet been married for even two years – my anniversary is in a fortnight - I met my husband in March 2014, so we’re at least approaching the long term, locked in median, which really should come with some kind of medal. That we’ve made it here continues to be somewhat of a surprise to me. When I first met my second husband Haden, he might as well have had a ‘rebound’ sticker on his forehead. He was fresh out of uni, a few years younger than me, working in a shop, fairly promiscuous and sleeping on an air mattress. My first husband (four years married, eight years combined) had only left four months before and I had done precisely zero healing. I had no business dating (notably, Haden wasn’t the first man I’d dated in those four months - I was back out again in a matter of weeks), let alone jumping headfirst into a full-on, long-term relationship. The fact that we’ve lasted the course feels like it deserves a Shania Twain ballad.
The truth of the matter is that I always felt deeply uncomfortable being single, which is one of the reasons why I’ve only been un-coupled for four months since I was 22. It’s at least one of the reasons I started dating my second husband so quickly after the end of my first marriage. Before I was 22, I had four boyfriends, each for about a year with mere days in between. We could label it serial monogamy. Or we could detect deep rooted fears of being alone, unloved and unchosen. Which now I’m a 42-year-old I can acknowledge were all massive drivers for my younger self. I find this quite embarrassing to admit as a woman who has always prided herself on her independence and feminist power. Because in reality, I’ve lived my whole adult life holding a man’s hand and have never really experienced what it feels to walk alone.
