Moving With the Times

How do you feel when people you know change their tune on previously held principles? Let down? Or is there an argument that an openness to Damascene conversions is actually a healthy character trait?

This week, we’re starting with politics, but fear not, I’m not going to try and canvas you (that’ll be me on the doorsteps of West London next year. What can I say? Red has always been my colour). No instead, we’re going in via the flip flop, the U-turn, the 180° about-face. God, we hate it when politicians change their minds, don’t we? Understandably if you’ve used your ballot to usher someone into a position of power based off values and policies which they pitched themselves, it can be beyond disappointing when they dither, dally and finally ditch said pledges. We feel missold, perhaps betrayed.  It feels patently unfair and makes you wish you could withdraw your support (which of course you can’t).

Without going into the Tories and HS2 or Keir Starmer’s backdown on the two-child benefits policy, there is a general sense that politically no-one seems to know which way is up or down right now. Watching the sad desperation of our two-party system licking its finger each morning to feel the direction of the wind just makes one conclude that both front benches must be sodden due to the wet blankets sitting on them. I can totally see why so many have begun to hark back to that Lady that was not for turning. And yet.

What I’ve been debating with myself all week, is where the line between having true conviction and being a woolly eared bigot lies. The polarisation of opinion is said to be one of the defining characteristics of our era and one of the reasons most often cited for both political and social fragmentation has been the creation of so-called echo chambers in the digital realm. In these spaces, we exclusively meet those who share our world view and in turn become influenced exponentially by our online crews to double down on our beliefs with righteous indignation. Without anyone to voice any kind of defence, the prosecution is deafening. Over time, our identities become so tied to these communities, that to waver in opinion has the potential to send an earthquake through your social life, both on and offline.

There’s plenty of research out there showing this overview actually lacks nuance and is wildly influenced by confirmation bias (when we search for, favour and interpret information in a way that confirms or supports prior beliefs). But whether it’s down to t’internet or not, there’s no doubt it has become increasingly hard to hear the other side (without convulsing in repulsion). I’m a lib-tard, you’re a fascist (not you, obviously, because if you’re reading this, you’ll probably agree broadly with lots of the liberal attitudes I espouse, if not necessarily my party politics). But you get what I mean.

So where is this going? Basically, this week, I got to thinking, and I realised I personally change my mind about fairly major things a lot. Like Damascene changes in personal policy and principles. I’m basically a U-turn Queen. When I look through the titles of my Substack columns, there is a definite theme of flipping and flopping. Be it my kid’s faces online, wanting to get married, not being into catwalk fashion anymore…I really do reconsider my position on multiple fronts from parenting outlook to where my life’s passions lie very often. And I think ultimately, that is the case for many of us. Aristotle did once apparently say, ‘change in all things is sweet.’ Of course, some residents expecting to be served by a high speed rail link might argue to the contrary.

Obviously, there is a difference between a muggle life like mine and a politician’s politics, not least in terms of impact. But I do believe that there is a line of distrust which can be drawn between people who ahem, often adjust their viewpoints and our feeling about fickle politicos. It has made me wonder if people in my life find me capricious; perhaps readers here might feel similarly. I certainly can have my opinion changed, both over time, but also in the moment if someone offers a plausible and convincing enough counter point which unlocks a new way of thinking like a key.

Nearly every single one of us will have a family member who has well and truly put the headphones on and are no longer receptive to these keys, no matter how they’re shaped. Be it grandparents, siblings, uncles or aunties, there’s a good chance that you’ll know someone who has become increasingly intransigent in their views.  In this situation, it can feel like opinion has been weaponised—you are either with them or you are the enemy. Experts in persuasive communication (what a job) say that to change hearts and minds you need to stay away from fiery discourse and instead focus on curiosity and compassion. But perhaps your family member has never been that interested in hearing much which didn’t confirm their ideas anyway, with curiosity and compassion long off the menu. Ironically, the person in mind from my own life has perhaps gone through the biggest swing in opinion jumping from one end of the political horseshoe to the other. But as they say, those with extreme views at either end of the spectrum are far more akin than those flapping around like me, somewhere in the middle. After decades spent trying to be the defence, I now smile, nod and ultimately avoid which actually isn’t that hard. But I know I never want to be that way and the experience has led me to conclude that I probably haven’t made my mind up on nearly anything for good. None of us are as smart as we think we are, I look forward to standing corrected.

Of course, there are some essential values which only a personality transplant could chip away. I will always want to do right by the people around me, I’ll always want to send the hand back whenever I step through a door. I won’t be jumping queues (unless it’s a nightclub and then it’s every punter for themselves). But the rest of it? I’ll be honest and say that I cannot rely on myself to feel or think any particular way much further into the future than tomorrow. That absolutely doesn’t mean that I don’t have courage in my convictions. It’s just I can only guarantee courage in my current convictions. If the sands of time change the context and conditions, my conclusions may very well shift in response. I think we call that growth? Or at least evolution? The fact that I’ve shed some ridiculously judgemental and closed-minded opinions since my teens and twenties and that motherhood has shifted my entire lens of what is and what isn’t acceptable, is something which I (currently) believe to be positive. Perhaps some feel let down by those changes, because not everyone changes together. But when it comes to integrity, I have always believed it is one thing to hold firm to your principles even in spite of other options looking increasingly attractive and quite another to hold firm when you can see beyond doubt that you got the wrong end of the stick in the first place.

Principles, policy and opinion are obviously all distinct, but they do connect with each other and it’s arguable that all should be subject to change. One hundred percent certifying the opposite means that you aren’t open to reason in any capacity which seems a not exactly a desirable character quality. Of course, there is a difference between dropping beliefs for expediency rather than realisation. There is nothing more off-putting than a spineless chameleon happy to be all things to all people to get a foothold up whatever slippery pole they’re trying to climb. I guess we need to decide what makes anyone trustworthy – myopic tunnel vision, or that openness to curiosity and compassion. I do think it is vital to keep the channels of communication open if you can and take the time to explain why you have changed your mind. The whole never complain, never explain business was always irksome. As for me, please don’t rely on me to be any kind of bastion for anything outside of something as saccharine as kindness. Put simply, this lady is at least moderately open to turning.