What do we mean by a hands-on dad?

And how the Stay-at-Home-Mum turned into the WFH-mum

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

We live in such a strange moment when it comes to gender equality. So many of the original feminist movement KPI’s have been hit, or at least we’re moving significantly towards their achievement. The U.K has closed 73.1% of its gender gap for economic participation and opportunity; there are more female CEOs in the top 500 highest-grossing American companies than ever before (74, up from just 7 in 2002). Back in the UK, 61% of Britons have no preference as to whether their boss is male or female while 69% have no opinion on whether a politician is a man or a woman. It’s easy to continue to be outraged by the still-present disparities based on gender and we absolutely need to keep fighting the good fight. But we shouldn’t overlook how much has changed for the better for women. While I was researching this piece, it was tricky to find clear intel on our advancements, when conversely, there is so much literature on the inequalities that remain. As much as there is still a way to go and the rollbacks across the globe are terrifying, we can’t forget that we’re a distance from my mum’s experience of being referred to exclusively by her boss’ surname for two whole years in the early 70s.

What I really mean to say is that I want to approach this piece with a glass half-full attitude. I am done with my scream-into-the-void-at-the-injustice-of-it-all era. The only person that listened was me, and it stole both my joy and energy for no discernible gain. I’m now interested in results. What I’ve arrived at is a moment of both acceptance and reflection and I feel I finally have the space to cultivate a little perspective. And with this new vantage point, some things are becoming abundantly obvious which I had maybe kind of missed in the rage and fug.

My husband, bless him for never reading anything I write, is what would be considered a hands-on dad. He does bath time, reads books and will look after the kids while I’m away for two, maybe three nights a few times a year. At my youngest’s birthday party yesterday, I realised I’d forgotten to do the party bags, and I could absolutely rely on him to run out and fix it. If I am very directive with my delegation, he will always come through and God, he loves those boys. The fact that he feeds them plain pasta as a full dinner and always gets them to the school gates after the bell is beside the point. He does it. And for that, I feel fortunate.