Never have I heard the plight of modern, WFH, freelance motherhood (yes, privileged) better explained or felt more seen than in these words: " Writing books during the naps and nights is potty, but the precedent has been set. And in a story that every parent who has been able to WFH will recognize, I’ve also found so much of the load is geographical as much as anything else. Presence is often 85% of responsibility and if you just happen to ‘be there’ because it’s where you work, you’re going to left holding the babies. And the washing basket. And the pesto jar. " Thank you
Women need to learn to go places themselves. As a Boomer when I turned 50 along with most of my women friends, we independently decided that being House Fraus could not go on without a break. Most of us had been executives who had children rather late but we all remembered traveling on our own and wanted that experience again. Fortunately I had a nanny who could come during the day and make sure my husband was handling things. And as soon as I mentioned my plans to a close friend she said she would also love to join me for a few days and leave her husband with their daughter. This turned out to be a fabulous trip and revitalizing. Just Do It.
I did go on a two night trip on my own this year to Porto which was a funny experience. I did love the peace it offered my mind, but I didn't love eating on my own. It definitely wasn't as much of a laugh... But I loved very simply pleasing myself - not even having a friend to say when shall we go to dinner, or fancy a swim? That felt so incredibly novel as I barely go for a pee without making sure its ok with someone else (the baby !!)
Golly, don’t hold back out of undue tact. I’d hope if we met on the street you’d find a slightly more charming way of throwing my hard work (which you have consumed for free with no obligation!) back in my face. If you have any specific ideas you would like to discuss, always open for open for the debate, but let’s not forget manners maketh man.
Ok here are some specifics to show why it is pretentious; * you are far wealthier than most and very likely in the top 1% no? * you have a happy marriage and wonderful children no? * you live free of real danger of violent crime, theft, * you graduated college and were born into a family of above average wealth. All of that and then you need not just a vacation but a revenge vacation? “Golly” for sure.
Top 1% certainly not, both my parents grew up in council houses, so I didn’t grow up with any financial stability - we experienced a lot of food insecurity and my single mum had to work every hour to make ends meet. Sometimes they didn’t. I got a scholarship and grants for kids from working class backgrounds to go to school and uni - I’m the first person from my family to go beyond high school education. I then worked as a journalist which obviously meant I earned a pittance and my far younger boyfriend worked as a tailor earning minimum wage. Things have changed financially for me as I’ve started to write other people’s books and work in content creation, but I still rent (I’m 39) and while I can afford to eat, there isn’t any extra at the end of the month. In the broad scheme of the world’s wealth, obviously I as a western woman, I live a privileged life. And because of the digital side of my life, I have access to some amazing opportunities (for example the hotel mentioned here). We have a different class system here in the U.K. - there are signifiers far beyond money, so it’s harder to move up (or indeed down) a rung, but some of my successes have paid off and my kids live a very different life to their parents (my other half grew up in a shelter). I know it’s easy to judge on initial impressions, but really you can’t know anyone’s story from one article - presumption makes a fool of us all. I do wish we could all try and be understanding that none of us walk in each others shoes and we have no idea of the weights any of us carry. If someone says they need a break, who are any of us to say they don’t? I’m not married, but I do have wonderful children, doesn’t mean that I don’t need a break from them from time to time. I detect from the tenor of your message that we’re probably not going to see eye to eye and that you’re personally carrying a lot of anger and resentment. I hope you’re ok. Probably best to leave it there
I'd love to hear your perspective on this. When you say modern women, do you mean working women or just simply women alive in 2022? For what it's worth, I think contented happiness is evading both of the sexes at the moment, whether inside or outside of the institution of marriage due to the cost of living (far predating the current crisis) and demands in the workplace. The expectations on all of us are through the roof, especially with the care for our parents factored in. I wonder what your alternative arrangement would be?
You’ve been brainwashed into thinking women and men are equal. They are different and western women suffer from this distorted belief. They want it all , to be like men , pressured by today’s society trying to look like celebrities , having children but not spending significant time with them. Sad
Hmm what do you call significant time? Who makes the standard on that? Because no amount of brainwashing is going to convince me that I need to spend more time changing nappies than I already do. It's so funny this idea of 'women' as this monolithic block. Some women really love spending what others might deem significant time with their kids, while others, like the father find it mind-numbing and desperately depressing. We need to create space for all types of women otherwise we perpetuate this false standard that 'you will all love motherhood because you have a uterus'. The reality is this kind of talk is what fuels a lot of post natal depression - let's not forget in the year after birth, suicide remains the number one cause of death for mothers. Let us try and be kind to each other and say there are many many different ways to be an amazing mother.
While we obviously have very different views, I appreciate the time you have taken to write the comment above. I suppose one key difference is that I know as a Western woman that I still live in a patriarchy - the opposite of a patriarchy would be a matriarchy, rather than a culture with still contested feminist views, no? The reality is that women are still seeking equality in so many avenues in both the east and west (probably best for us not to explore this further as I'm guessing our benchmarks are literally worlds apart). It seems like you and your wife have found your match and that you are absolutely deserving of each other. My only real objection is the fatphobia - I mean who cares what anyone looks like in this kind of conversation? Why was it relevant to comment on any women's body measurements..?!
Never have I heard the plight of modern, WFH, freelance motherhood (yes, privileged) better explained or felt more seen than in these words: " Writing books during the naps and nights is potty, but the precedent has been set. And in a story that every parent who has been able to WFH will recognize, I’ve also found so much of the load is geographical as much as anything else. Presence is often 85% of responsibility and if you just happen to ‘be there’ because it’s where you work, you’re going to left holding the babies. And the washing basket. And the pesto jar. " Thank you
Women need to learn to go places themselves. As a Boomer when I turned 50 along with most of my women friends, we independently decided that being House Fraus could not go on without a break. Most of us had been executives who had children rather late but we all remembered traveling on our own and wanted that experience again. Fortunately I had a nanny who could come during the day and make sure my husband was handling things. And as soon as I mentioned my plans to a close friend she said she would also love to join me for a few days and leave her husband with their daughter. This turned out to be a fabulous trip and revitalizing. Just Do It.
Wonderfully describes the conversations we have in our house, where we’re about to embark on a very untraditional family life! X
Brilliant! ejx
Booking my flight today.
Swinging back around to say I actually DID book that flight!
The pesto jar! Brilliant. Laughed out loud and SO true.x
Superb! Thank you.
I love "disharmonious energy".
Also, I've found it's really hard to find a friend who can take the same time off as you!
I did go on a two night trip on my own this year to Porto which was a funny experience. I did love the peace it offered my mind, but I didn't love eating on my own. It definitely wasn't as much of a laugh... But I loved very simply pleasing myself - not even having a friend to say when shall we go to dinner, or fancy a swim? That felt so incredibly novel as I barely go for a pee without making sure its ok with someone else (the baby !!)
Love this 🙌
Most pretentious drivel I have ever read. Thank God Substack has real writers like Sasha.
Golly, don’t hold back out of undue tact. I’d hope if we met on the street you’d find a slightly more charming way of throwing my hard work (which you have consumed for free with no obligation!) back in my face. If you have any specific ideas you would like to discuss, always open for open for the debate, but let’s not forget manners maketh man.
Ok here are some specifics to show why it is pretentious; * you are far wealthier than most and very likely in the top 1% no? * you have a happy marriage and wonderful children no? * you live free of real danger of violent crime, theft, * you graduated college and were born into a family of above average wealth. All of that and then you need not just a vacation but a revenge vacation? “Golly” for sure.
Top 1% certainly not, both my parents grew up in council houses, so I didn’t grow up with any financial stability - we experienced a lot of food insecurity and my single mum had to work every hour to make ends meet. Sometimes they didn’t. I got a scholarship and grants for kids from working class backgrounds to go to school and uni - I’m the first person from my family to go beyond high school education. I then worked as a journalist which obviously meant I earned a pittance and my far younger boyfriend worked as a tailor earning minimum wage. Things have changed financially for me as I’ve started to write other people’s books and work in content creation, but I still rent (I’m 39) and while I can afford to eat, there isn’t any extra at the end of the month. In the broad scheme of the world’s wealth, obviously I as a western woman, I live a privileged life. And because of the digital side of my life, I have access to some amazing opportunities (for example the hotel mentioned here). We have a different class system here in the U.K. - there are signifiers far beyond money, so it’s harder to move up (or indeed down) a rung, but some of my successes have paid off and my kids live a very different life to their parents (my other half grew up in a shelter). I know it’s easy to judge on initial impressions, but really you can’t know anyone’s story from one article - presumption makes a fool of us all. I do wish we could all try and be understanding that none of us walk in each others shoes and we have no idea of the weights any of us carry. If someone says they need a break, who are any of us to say they don’t? I’m not married, but I do have wonderful children, doesn’t mean that I don’t need a break from them from time to time. I detect from the tenor of your message that we’re probably not going to see eye to eye and that you’re personally carrying a lot of anger and resentment. I hope you’re ok. Probably best to leave it there
Let’s leave it where it started; it’s pretentious drivel.
There’s only going to be more where that came from, so I’d suggest you avert your eyes 🤣
It's a good story, with a good point, but the writing style is somewhat overwrought, and things are a bit over-explained.
Golly. Feedback always appreciated, enjoy the use of overwrought.
I enjoyed the writing style.
I'd love to hear your perspective on this. When you say modern women, do you mean working women or just simply women alive in 2022? For what it's worth, I think contented happiness is evading both of the sexes at the moment, whether inside or outside of the institution of marriage due to the cost of living (far predating the current crisis) and demands in the workplace. The expectations on all of us are through the roof, especially with the care for our parents factored in. I wonder what your alternative arrangement would be?
You’ve been brainwashed into thinking women and men are equal. They are different and western women suffer from this distorted belief. They want it all , to be like men , pressured by today’s society trying to look like celebrities , having children but not spending significant time with them. Sad
Hmm what do you call significant time? Who makes the standard on that? Because no amount of brainwashing is going to convince me that I need to spend more time changing nappies than I already do. It's so funny this idea of 'women' as this monolithic block. Some women really love spending what others might deem significant time with their kids, while others, like the father find it mind-numbing and desperately depressing. We need to create space for all types of women otherwise we perpetuate this false standard that 'you will all love motherhood because you have a uterus'. The reality is this kind of talk is what fuels a lot of post natal depression - let's not forget in the year after birth, suicide remains the number one cause of death for mothers. Let us try and be kind to each other and say there are many many different ways to be an amazing mother.
While we obviously have very different views, I appreciate the time you have taken to write the comment above. I suppose one key difference is that I know as a Western woman that I still live in a patriarchy - the opposite of a patriarchy would be a matriarchy, rather than a culture with still contested feminist views, no? The reality is that women are still seeking equality in so many avenues in both the east and west (probably best for us not to explore this further as I'm guessing our benchmarks are literally worlds apart). It seems like you and your wife have found your match and that you are absolutely deserving of each other. My only real objection is the fatphobia - I mean who cares what anyone looks like in this kind of conversation? Why was it relevant to comment on any women's body measurements..?!
This is just hilarious. What century are you from? Have you found a future time machine...in the 19th century?
So shortsighted